This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize