I haven't been this sober since birth.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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