Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
