If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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