this beer tastes like vomit already
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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