Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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