Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
50% drunk capacity currently
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
