Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
