Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
