i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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I just want to make out with him forever
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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