I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
