are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
