so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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