Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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