Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
