maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
