Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
