Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize