My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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