It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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