Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
