And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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