It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
