She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
