I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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