I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
