Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
