Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
