He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
