covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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