We're facebook friends in real life
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
