when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
