I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
