I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
