last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
