the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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