I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
