Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
