They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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