First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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