one might say we're banned from that church
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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