he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
