I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
