I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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