So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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