I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
