moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
