need another drink. this is the easiest way
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
