His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
