Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
