just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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