it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish i was in the wii world.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
