I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They have beer where we have blood.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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