soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
