all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
