it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
