Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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