i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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