She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
