Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
