I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
