i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
