so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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