When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
