Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
