How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
