Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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