I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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