Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
