Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
