lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
