Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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