While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
