i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
