wakey wakey hands off snakey
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
