took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
