i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
