True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
