She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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