don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
