Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
