I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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