I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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