it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
