Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
