Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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